If you’ve ever found out about an ancestor whose story was missing from your family tree for a long time, you understand the need to share that story and make sure it’s never lost again.
Cathryn Darling had that experience when she found out that her father—who she’d been told abandoned her as a young child—had really died in a tragic fishing accident. (If you haven’t seen it yet, you can watch a video about Cathryn’s discovery here.)
“After I found out that my father had died as a fisherman and his body was missing, I couldn’t let that settle. It wasn’t going to be the end of the story,” she said. “So I searched and found a memorial site for fishermen. I checked to see if he was there and he wasn’t. I couldn’t let that be. He was going to live on forever.”
Cathryn learned that the spot where her father’s fishing boat had capsized was a dangerous spot where many fishermen had died before and since. So many, in fact, that each March, at the beginning of the spring fishing season, a ceremony was held there to send off the fleet and honor those fishermen who had died at sea in previous years.
Religious leaders prayed over the fishermen before they left; wreaths and photos were sent out onto the water to honor the deceased; and stories were shared. About 5 miles away, members of the fishing community also erected a granite wall where they inscribed the names of those from the county who had died at sea.
Cathryn had her father’s name engraved on the memorial, along with his partner, who had died beside him.
Memorial for fishermen from Lincoln County, Oregon, who died at sea. Cathryn’s father, Ronald Lee Dalton, and his partner, Donald Foster, are now rightfully on the memorial.
Otter Rock—the rock Cathryn’s father’s boat collided on—off the coast of Newport, Oregon.
Ronald Lee Dalton, while serving in the Marines. He’s sitting atop what looks like part of a missile.
Left to Right: Ronald Lee Dalton; Don Foster, Ronald's friend and fishing partner; Vern Foster, owner of the ship on which Ronald and Don sailed.
For Cathryn, attending the yearly memorial service was part of the process of healing.
“After I found out how he died,” she said, “I went through anger at the ocean. But I have to get over it. I have to keep making trips back there until I can get over the fact that that is the way he died.”
Next on Cathryn’s list is having a proper burial service for her father. She has gathered some of his belongings and would like to have them buried in a plot in the family cemetery.
She encourages everyone to search out their ancestors, and once they’ve found them, to keep their memories alive. “I think that my father is very proud and very pleased with us,” she says. “He knows that he’s not going to just disappear off the face of the earth. That his story is going to go on with us forever. And everybody’s relatives deserve that right—to be remembered; to be heard about; to be talked about and to have information passed on.”
How to Keep Your Ancestor’s Memory Living On
We all want to honor our family’s legacy and keep their memories alive. Here are a few ways to do so. What ways have you chosen to honor your ancestors? Please share with us in the comments section below.
• Preserve one of their traditions. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Passing on an ancestor’s tradition is a great way of honoring their memory, whether you bake one of their classic dishes, celebrate a holiday the way they did or adopt one of their favorite pastimes.
• Make an Ancestry.com Profile Page. Each person in your Ancestry.com family tree has his or her own profile page. This is where you can store all the information you've gathered about your ancestor including historical records, photos and stories. You can then see a timeline of all the important events in your ancestor's life. To create a profile page, simply hover over the name of someone in your online family tree and click "View profile."
• Hold a family reunion. After you have discovered part of your family story, hold a reunion. This is a great time and place to share what you’ve learned about your family through pictures, stories or games. It’s also a unique opportunity to get a group of your relatives together and ask what they remember about their ancestors. It’s amazing how the stories magically unfold as memories are triggered.
• Clean up or fix a headstone. Over time, headstones and graves can wear away or become damaged. In addition to tidying the area around your ancestor’s grave, or leaving flowers, replace damaged headstones or erect markers where none existed before.
• Share their stories. Preserving your ancestor’s legacy can be as simple as telling stories about them to your brothers and sisters, or to your children or grandchildren. If you want to make sure the stories live on forever, try writing them down or even recording them on your ancestor’s profile page in your family tree on Ancestry.com.
• Create a book. Creating a book with dates, photos and stories all recorded in one place is a great way to preserve a family member’s memory and create a new family heirloom. You can be as creative as you want and leave something that will surely be passed on for generations.
